Perfecting The Torment

Perfecting The Torment Interview

Interview by Jon Killmachine – January 2003.

(Gee I wonder who is the spotlight stealing rockstar in this band – Ed.)

The cutest boy band in Perth who claim they play grind metal in the vein of Skinless and Anal Blast (usual suspects from top 40 radio). PT’s guitarist “The Cube of Hate” took time out from watching Play School to answer some insightful questions.

1. “Perfecting the Torment” is a pretty good band name. Who’s the genius?

COH: I am. We spent ages looking for the right name, we’d find a name that sounded cool but it’d never stick. It was originally Perfect Torment, but we found out a faggy darkwave goth band in Germany had it. I changed it for Perfecting The Torment .. which shits all over Perfect Torment anyway.

2. Nothing wrong with faggy goths (except for everything). Define the live experience of PT. What is your opinion of your live shows, what do you want the audience’s opinion to be and have you got any plans for future shows?

COH: Well, There is no doubt that PT want their live shows to be nothing short of classy, while remaining nothing short of metal. I beleive that the experience is creative due to sizes of band members, not to mention we all have completely metal haircuts. Also our bassist’s looks are nothing short of striking – which is obviously a key factor in our ..success. With a Rhino on vocals and a Midget on guitar .. as Dyson said .. you can’t help but point and laugh.

3. Don’t sell yourself short buddy, you are all cute little boys, aside from your neck. What is it like playing 18+ shows knowing that you won’t be 18 yourselves until 2010?

COH: I’ll have to ask my neck about that one .. he’s been 18 for about 25 years now.

Just a couple of the many girls disappointed
at finding out that Josh is gay.
Face it girls, he’s not gonna budge on this one.

4. Rumours have been circling about the uprisal of the almighty MUFFSWAB and apparently your band may or may not feature a member in this supergroup of vaginal worship proportions. Any comments?

COH: I guess all I can say about MUFFSWAB is that your not going to know what to expect .. and that includes PT features

5. Fair enough. What’s it like being a short arse?

COH: Well, obviously the neck and genitals more than make up for it. Although, there are some plusses. For example, I can stand up while I give older men head for gigs. Plus I can use it to pull the women .. or so I think.

6. Goddamn bisexual little boys, I don’t know… I, among possible others, have heard alleged plans for a demo, which I understand keeps getting delayed! What’s the story!? Do you need money or are you all waiting for your balls to drop

COH: A little from coloumn A, a little from column B. There is a demo in the making, I can say that safely. It is not entirely incorrect that we need money, and it’s not entirely incorrect that we need some balls.

Josh in suave french mode.

7. You claim you are a grind band, but there are elements of retarded clean riffs and Whitney Houston covers. What are you trying to do, be cool or something huh? Do you think that’s cool do ya?

COH: Well, we like to think we are a grind band. I guess when your in a band, you try to make use of all your influences. When we are writing songs, I try to include everything. My love for Whitney, and clean, gay riffs, has just as much place in the band as the power chords and mutes.

8. So what do your mummies and daddies think of your happy tunes? Do you enjoy being breastfed after rehearsals? What’s it like to still wet the bed all the time? Do you hate having to go to bed with Fat Cat?

COH: In honesty I think they all add to the grind-ness of Perfecting The Torment. I see absolutely nothing wrong with being picked up by mummy and daddy, provided I am carting a Jackson around anyway. And I trust you would have no problem with being breast fed after a nice sweaty Jam? And it’s either Fat Cat or Louise..

9. What special message do you have for aspiring musicians and what do you have to say to your legion of 7 fans?

COH: Whether it’s cumming early, not being able to crack a fat, or being chased by an ex-girfriends ex-boyfriend with a screwdriver holding a goon bag through the streets of duncraig at 1am, you better be wearing a Cryptopsy shirt! Stay Grind. \m/

Special thanks to the Cube of Hate for the insightful interview. You can find out more about Perfecting the Torment by visiting their website at (that’s if it is up and running).